I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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