It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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