You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
