hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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