I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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