There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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