got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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