Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
