Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
