Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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