The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
