hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
