I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
someone owes me an orgasm
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
