On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
