my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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