And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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