I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
