You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
