sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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