If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
