do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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