508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
