Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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