and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
