I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize