i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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