At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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