So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize