I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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