White coat. Heels.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
