You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
