shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
