Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
