every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
