I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
