Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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