can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
