when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
