well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
