I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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