How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry about my life...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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