Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think i have two assholes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
