well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
