Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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