I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
