i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize