Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
