I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Randomize
