We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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