Say something about gay babies.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
