i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
