How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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