So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize