I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
