i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
