we're making bets on your personal life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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