Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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