Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
