So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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