too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
