Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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