Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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