no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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