A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
