I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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