I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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