O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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