You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
