If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
