Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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